Yeshua made me free.

My God continues to work on me in ways I never imagined. A month ago the school I'd been accepted to went bankrupt and closed. Last Friday, I lost my job. And tonight, though minuscule in comparison, I came out of Whole Foods to find my car's bumper lying on the ground behind it and the right rear tail light smashed. There was no note and the parking lot doesn't have surveillance.

I have no idea what my Savior is trying to teach me or what He has in store for me and I'm trying to be okay with that. Don't get me wrong, this is all a little nerve-wracking. I can't help but worry about paying my mortgage and wonder if I shouldn't just take a job serving Frappucinos at Starbucks. But, I also don't want to waste the precious time the Lord has given me. It's not like I hadn't been asking for all of this. I loved my company but not my job and wanted more time to relax and reflect on what I really wanted to do with my time. I wanted to use that massage gift-certificate I've been sitting on...and enjoy the sunshine with my husband and dog at the park. Now that that was given to me...why do I feel worthless, sad, trapped? I spent all of my first unemployed Monday on the couch, reading and watching tv and it drove me insane. Sitting at the feet of my Savior, grasping at His every word is where I want and NEED to be. So I'm praying for peace in my heart, and confirmation that it's okay to relax a little.

My friend Nancy related my current state of waiting to a vision she had while buying produce at the grocery store. She was checking out grapes when the process of making wine came to her: though the Lord is taking my 'grapes' from me and crushing them unrecognizable, it's only because He's planning on making a beautifully fragrant wine out of them. So though the school I was supposed to start went bankrupt, and I lost my job, the Lord is working in miraculous, seen and unseen ways. This feeling of worthlessness, this slow dying of my spirit...these are lies. There goes Satan, with his inability to create anything original, distorting the work of my Savior. I am not slave to my vocation, or the lies of Satan. I belong to Jesus; He made me free.

As for the job I'm looking for...I can't give a straight answer. There's a few things I'd be happy doing. I'm interested in the future of music labels and would love to work for one and help them transition back into successful, creative-engines. Music is a huge part of my relationship with God. I also find myself increasingly interested in mission work. At this point, who knows? I certainly don't. What I do know, and got to relish in while sitting in the sun today, is that I belong to Jesus. And He made me free.